But not in a bad way. My life is large on it's own scale as each of ours is when we take the time to write it out. We are where we are for a reason, right? I believe that.
I just received oversized pictures from one of my closest cousins via email of her trip to the European region, and my my my I could not be happier for her. To imagine though, she is over there, visiting what I've only seen in movies and pictures, while I'm here tonight, restling and playing with my one year old much to late into the evening for her own good. It's kept her up. Am I a bad mom? No. Does she get the sleep she needs? YES! Though I would wish in my life I can look back and see I gave my kids that chance at a good nights sleep and a good time! But, to get back to subject, Sarah is in Florence Italy, my Sarah, the one I climbed walls with and tackled to the ground when I saw her after months of separation due to us living in seperate states! She is getting the opportunity to explore the world and I'm bursting with cheer for her. I am as well of course envious, but why waist my time on that emotion for more than a five second splurge? It's pointless. I'll do my dreaming at night with pictures in my head, thankyou! My happiness is met in the day, when I can walk into Emmas room in the morning hearing her jibber-jabber herself awake, and seeing that smile she gets when she first see's me, now that's priceless. Mamas know that.
I feel insignificant due to recognizing-but not for the first time-the many different perspectives and struggles in every day life for those I am aware of through the wonders of the internet (aka facebook). I wonder what my friend in Texas is going through right now on her vacation with a close family friend. I find myself recalling what it was like to plan and prep for my reception as my husbands best friends fiance is doing so now-a-days. I wonder what little thoughts enter Emmas head in the second she wakes up from a nightmare at 5am. I wonder how Kirk, my husband is doing...every. Single. Day. For a year and a half I have been married to this man, and boy we have had a healthy dose of struggle. But I find myself even after all the hurt and pain still imagining a better future. Whether its tomorrow, a year from now, when all of our kids have arrived, or when they're all grown. I don't want to ever be just another divorcee-not saying that's on the plate or anywhere near it right now-but honestly it's been a thought more than once. And I never want to be there. I want to grow old with him happily. He's a good man.
My point in my rambling tonight is to just put my very small and probably not even noticed world out there for an evening. I have a life too, and I love knowing I'm not the only one who has one. I can only imagine a fraction of what else is going on in everyone elses lives that I've come so close to over the years tonight!
Good night to those of you I'm imagining reading this.
I wonder what I'll imagine tomorrow!
