A Bumpy Road

So I have not posted projects as of late, nor recipes. Mostly entries late at night, because after a long day of watching Emma, and my mom takes her to bed, it's all I have energy for. It's day two of a temporary change I've made, and it was easier than the first. The first was rough. I sat around in my scrubs all day with Emma and watched Friends. Emma helped me come back to reality a few different times. I know she could sense something was going on, she's thirteen months, not oblivious. She's been acting out as well for the past couple of weeks, today was definitely noticeable. She's become very defiant, and independent in her play time. I'll get pushed away a few times, I can't touch her at all or she'll get upset. Then suddenly, she can't seem to leave my side; constantly wanting to be picked up. I'll have music playing, and if I set her on the floor for second while I try to clean the kitchen it's immediate water works with a series of screaming till I pick her up again and dance with her. I'm heartbroken, wondering what's going on in that little head of hers. I'm scared, feeling too weak willed to put on a better than fake smile trying to pretend like it's another normal day. Sometimes she keeps going like it is, and then there's yesterday where she put her hand on mine during bath time for just a split second, and I catch myself having drifted off again thinking. Like I said, she pulled me back to reality a few times. She's my rock right now. I'll always be hers. I need to keep going and not scar her from this change. I don't want this to have to be one that stays. Getting back to a healthier norm will be better for all of us.
I have never been a huge planner, but I've always had some idea of what lies fairly near in the future ahead of me. I know much past that could easily change at any moment. It became comfortable, feeling like I can help what happens generally, but still aware enough that I should be on guard and ready to take the wheel with both hands when the time came if need be. So, I've been that way all my life until the past few months, and then I'm lucky enough to have a co-driver along with me.  The drive is pretty straight forward, some curves and hills but nothing to bad. And then, I'm on bumpy terrain and a windy road and I can't see ahead of me very well. Maybe to help you understand the picture more, pretend it's dark out and you're head lights may not work. You'd be scared right? You knew it wasn't good to come to a stop and stay put, what good would that do? Something bad could still happen then. It wouldn't get you anywhere. You only hoped that if you kept going you would eventually hit easier terrain and a less windy road. It's happened before. Well I feel like I've been on this windy dark road for a long time,  much longer than what it should be, and right now I'm stopped until I get some help from my co-driver, but they don't want to drive just yet.. They say they will, and I've waited and waited for them to take a turn, but they haven't actually driven yet. I'm just hoping they will soon though. This is how I've felt for awhile now.
Oh and get this, you know how you'll see road signs on your trips? Some just once, others every few miles or so? They exist too in this metaphor, but noticing the ones that keep showing up and telling your co-driver about them isn't a good thing. It's actually irritating them. We think of road signs as information and warning givers right? So paying attention to them should be a good thing, not a bad one, at least I'd have hoped.
Alright, I'm to the point that I'm constantly rubbing my eyes. My right one has actually been consistently itching as well, little fun fact.
I'm off to bed.
Signing off as a person who's just behind a wheel. Goodnight.