It's Autumn Time

My post's title tonight is inspired by a primary hymn that I sing to Emma, as I try to sing to her daily little church songs that she can grow to learn. It is Autumn time, today especially felt so. It was overcast here and rainy part of the day, but had that chill and even smell of fall outside. It was so nice! Now remind me to look back at this post in three or four months when I'm complaining about the dreary whether. It's always the start of a season that I enjoy. The first few weeks or so I enjoy the feel of, as do most. Fall would be my favorite time of the year. At work, we've put out pumpkins this past week that look AMAZING and I want so badly to create this one from Pinterest (is that surprising?). It's placed on its side so the stem is the nose and instead of it being a regular fairly round all around pumpkin, it looks like it's been sat it so it's flat. I'll post a picture if I can get around to buying and creating what I have in mind.
So I'm very much wanting to post more often, but with my schedule I become exhausted fairly quickly. I'm planning to change that, or take hold of it with a better grip here. It's taking time. What happens daily though is important to look back on. I see this as a journal of sorts, and would love to record my life as I make it.
Today, Emma has had a good day, so I have had good day too knowing this. Her bed time routine I'm coming to realize isn't just a soothing end to the day for her, but for me also. Bath time, lotion, jimmies, singing, brushing teeth then give or take thirty minutes of a movie, books and cuddling through the entire process, it's very comforting. I look forward to that part of the day because I'm that mom that refuels in that process. Having Emma close to me is therapeutic and special in a way that is hard to explain any other way than just simply saying I love her so much. She is what has kept me going every single day. She's a reminder I love and welcome. Seeing her run to me when Kirsten opens the door once I pick her up from daycare is the one of the best feelings a mom can have. She is so excited and happy, it makes me feel like she knows I'm gone for a good reason and she's thankful to see me finally.
I want to take a few days off in the next few weeks. I'm thinking about five would do well, as long as I can schedule it to where I can still get thirty two to forty hours in the two weeks the break would be between. I want so badly to overcome the mountain of need for organization of a closet in Emmas room, clean up the rest of my belongings in my moms garage and get it all into storage, transfer every file and photo from my moms PC to my macbook or disks, finish crafts I have yet to (they are piling up), finish a book that sides open faced on my nightstand everyday, clean up the back yard's garden for the season and just get some good rest. I'm burning out at my job, and from home. I'm very much wanting to find the time for all of this, because these tasks are too big to conquer in one days sitting once work is past and school. I want time with my baby as well. I miss being home with her during the day.
That is my shpeel for the night. I will try to continue thoughts and posts of pictures here soon. Here are some recent images that don't really relate to the content of my post, but you may want to see how big Emma is getting or what we've been up to!

Emma and I watching Frozen for the billionth time

Sarahs and my trip to McCall in June

McCalls main beach area

A Big Step Forward

I am finally taking the step towards school for myself. It's taken me much longer that I had anticpated first immerging out of the high school phase after graduation, but I can't say I wasn't productive. I made a few mistakes along the way, but I'm human and we all do in our own ways. My slip-ups though have given me what I have today, and I would not trade what I have in life for anything, including the head on my shoulders. I'm not perfect, I know that, but I also know I could be off so much worse. Where I am now, I feel very blessed, though my strides to this point were not ideal, as I said before, I still don't regret what I have come to have from them.
I have a beautiful daughter. Very strong willed, loving and beautiful. At only nineteen months now, she's got a very sturdy personality and funny little sense of humor. She's growing much to fast, but at the same time, she's been very healthy. And that alone is a blessing. I have a hard working husband, who though we still can have our rocky days, works hard in school, work, and at home. We've definitely seen some bad days, and still do not necessesarily have a forcast for tomorrow, but right now I know and appriciate how much he does for us. Then there are friends, family, co-workers who are all great in their own way as well. But aside from the in-the-household luck I've had, I've had a steady job with Fred Meyer for what adds up to about three years now. And what's to come after all this? School. I'm finally taking the next step. It's a bit of a relief knowing I'm actually taking charge of this part of my life finally, but this week alone has been a stressor. The week was a crash-course study kind of feel, and today I took placement tests that assure my admissions have all been turned in. So technically, I'm not enrolled yet, have not recieved the letter of acceptance, nor have I even started (that's still a month off) but for me, getting past today was a big deal for me. It means I've done what I could to make sure I had all I needed to apply for college. Now the next fun part comes, choosing the classes. I'm strongly leaning towards Elementary Education, though in the past I've bounced off of pediatrics, nursing, sign launguage interpreting, arts education, high school education--basically a small list of occupations--but have been interesting in Elementary Educ. for some time now. So I'll start looking into the courses I'll need to take for that degree. I'm so excited!
What else is on my list of to-do's this month? I have to look into purchasing a laptop for school and personal use (this is a hard pill to swallow). A Macbook Pro at this point is what I'm heading for. Aside from the rest of the checklist for what I have do to for school, I've come to expect myself to be in search of a new, more sturdy job. One that pays more would be nice, and one that has set days for each week that are the same as well as the hours. Sounds like a dream a little bit, but hey it may be. I'm looking into St. Alphonsus clinic administrative jobs though, I've heard many good things about them. Next, I have to worry about crafting for a group race, and family reuion auction items. This may not seem like much, but the crafter inside of me is a bit to much of a perfectionist, so finding a day alone to devote to this work can take some time. The family reuion the craft is for is also next week, as well as a very exciting campout for a large bunch of our neices and nephews. After this next week passes, I'm still deciding if I want to wind back down to normal, or continue a busy streak with a wedding, two baby showers, a birthday party and homecoming visit to a missionary. I'm leaning towards keeping it a little less busy. It's most likely that either way I go, we'll have plenty of family get togethers we'll be attending as well. Then at the end of the month, a city-wide color run with sparkle theme I'll be attending with a couple of co-workers of mine. This month is very busy, but I'm doing my best to keep it all in perspective and control. I get overwhelmed easily at times, and what I have to keep reminding myself is to pick and choose my battles. It can be very hard at times, but for at least the next week, I think I have a handle on things. So we'll see how things play out. Once I get settled into a laptop here soon, hopefully I can keep my blog regularly updated with the weeks' adventures we have. I'd love to get more pictures up as well. But for now, I really just appricate the chance to lay out some thoughts without having to cramp up my hang in a journal. Ideally, it seems more nostalgic to write in a journal, and I'd love to, but it todays world, I myself find the electronic benefit is much more preferable some days.

Goodnight!

Stability

It's been on my mind for the past few weeks. I work in a delicatessen and a coffee kiosk full time. 5am to 2pm or 6am to 3pm shifts regularly. If I have another shifts its a once-in-a-while occurrence. I've loved the early hours for some time now, but as life has had it, I've grown more and more weary and tired. I have an almost 19 mo/old at home, I'll be starting online classes (part-time) here soon, and I've never been a super early to bed kind of person, though with a one year old and as early of a shift that I have, you think I'd learn by now. I'm not actually fighting the early to bed thing, it's just the time I have with Emma seems so short as it is during the day. And now I'm thinking of switching jobs that could take me away from her even more. It depend on how you look at it I suppose. I'm off two days a week anyways, and a I work about nine hour shifts on the days I work. The days vary, they are never set. Not a Monday through Friday shin-dig. This new job I'm hoping could work out is 8am to 5pm (every persons dream time?) Monday through Friday, weekends and holidays off (my dream!) compared to working holidays where I work currently and most Saturdays. They've been very accommodating with Sundays for me since it's a family and day of rest kind of day. This new job is sitting down most of the time, where my current job the only time you sit down is on break. I've grown used to it, and don't mind it. So really, this new job though, I'm leaning towards it because it's seems more stable. Stability for our lifestyle right now sounds wonderful. I don't feel stable not having a set time that I can stick to without interruption. I don't feel stable having mixed days off. I don't feel stable sending my daughter to daycare two hours one day and seven hours the next. I don't feel stable doing laundry one week on Tuesday, not getting it put away till Saturday then by that point doing a whole other batch. There's plenty more small unstable things, including our schedule with dad currently, that I could continue on with, but I won't because I hope by this point you can guess with a crazy schedule you'd understand. Am I whining to much? I might be, I don't mean to come off ungrateful for a job at all, in fact it's what's kept me happy for huge reasons! It helps me feel stable...though ideally, it would be nice to feel stable at home with my daughter if you catch my drift...we've tried it and ran into a few bumps. It's been difficult for some time now. But I'm keeping my job. It's good pay and good people, and I enjoy my work for the most part. It's the stability I need to give to my daughter and myself, and the other members of our household. It's tricky trying to decide which could be the better option. Stay where I am, drag through each day and toss Emma around on a tricky schedule, or switch (if I actually get the job), get paid more, have an actual same every day Mon-Fri weekends off schedule and have a routine for each day of the week. Which sounds better?
To lightly touch on my husbands and my relationship, it's currently healthy for the most part. I'm hesitant at the end because I feel like I could just be waiting for another time bomb to go off unfortunately. I've been through to many rock bottoms to know otherwise...and I hate feeling so doubtful. I wish I could feel like it's going to be okay from here on out, and not just for me but for Emma's sake. I'm very scared, all the time, though I'm not going day to day with my tail between my legs. It's just all on my mind frequently. And the bring the magic word-for good reason-into view once again, stability between us is questionable. I look at how stable it's been since the day we were married. Sure, we've been able to stay together this long (two years), but how much stability is in an average marriage compared to ours? And not just relationship-wise, but schedule, lifestyle, communication, respect, love, all of it. It's felt unstable at times that I wish it was on a rock solid foundation. I'm praying and hoping everyday with another good day. Some days my hope though doesn't feel strong enough, and other days it does feel strong. Maybe it's normal, feeling this way? Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. You can tell I don't know what to think. I'm not afraid to admit I'm getting help for myself. And I don't feel it's anything to be ashamed of. I'm human, and need help sometime.
There is my rant of stability for the day.
Hope those readers that grace my page with there readers eyes are doing okay themselves. We are all fighting our own battles that seem as big as the world sometimes. They are that big, because to you it is your world.
Goodnight.

And Here We Go!

I officially applied for College of Western Idaho as of yesterday evening. Sent in my applicants fee check and everything! So far, planning as earning an assoiciates through them in Arts of Elementary Education, then will plan to continue schooling through BYU-Idaho. I'm THRILLED I have taken the first step in this direction. Life has been a little more topsy turvy than usual lately, so this has helped at least ease some of the excitement happening, though I'm still excited in a different way.
I'm a mom of an 18 mo/old and I work almost full time. My shifts vary from Starbucks barista to a delicatessen associate, both through Fred Meyer; And my shifts usual start off at 5am or 6am. It's nice to have a good half of a day after that, at least it's what you think of when you see you're off at 2 or 3. But when you get home, Netflix, scrubbies, and cuddling with Emma let alone a long nap with her sound pretty darn good. Wanting time with your baby too is a kick in the butt sometimes. So getting to bed at a good hour can seem almost cruel towards the time you could be with your child. It's a tough thing to work through, I still am :)
I don't have time to continue this post as of this moment, we are heading out to dinner! I plan to pick up more frequent postings in the future though!

The Epitome of Children Everywhere...in 2014

You have to understand my one year is a very active little girl, so for her to sit still for fifteen minutes focused on something, in this case "Frozen", is a rare, RARE sight to see.

How Many "Goose Eggs" Will It Take?

So yesterday, this little cutie in her new dress -that was meant for Easter Sunday, but fits now- konked her head I don't know how many times. It's hard as a parent to see it happen so quick, and with it being as often as she had done it yesterday, I tried to prevent it where I could, but alas the child managed to bonk her noggin' faster than I could get to her on numerous occasion! Please tell me I'm not the only parent to wonder how many bonks on the head will it take for you learn?

 Here is a picture of my curious find while uploading my photos for tonight post. Pam is my mother FYI. It took me fifteen minutes to find this cord, she hid it well...

As for the story behind the rest of the photos, well these are just the adventures of daily life with a one year old. Emma climbed up to perch between the coffee table and couch all by herself, as well as under the kitchen tables chair. As for the weird hose she's chewing on, well Grandma's room is off limits till she comes home from work, and at that time, Emma has learned where the fun is located in her room. Her C-Pap being one of the many attractions haha. She's learned how to turn it on as well!

A Post a Day Keeps the Madness Away

It's helped, writing has, these past few days. Whether it's in a journal or on the blog. I'm trying life without Facebook. Tell me if this sounds familiar to you moms out there with little ones at home. Facebook is for scrolling and browsing through old friends lives who you don't keep up with anymore. Maybe even some old co-workers, in-laws, distant extended family, and though it does not pertain to myself, even an old flame of yours. We call it a social network, but were not actually social. We're starring through a screen and at least for myself, the most common interaction I have with others on Facebook specifically is 'liking' their photos or status'. And what are the status' of most commonly? Complaints. I'm 'liking' a complaint you guys! It's a big fast pessimistic wall of comments half the time, and the only reason I found it exciting was because it was a small removal from the world I'm in at home, and a temporary one at that. My home life though, I don't need to be removed from it. I love it. Facebook was just a peak at more life out there. Granted, there are good aspects of Facebook too, don't get me wrong. I'm talking about photos or family/group pages of people in common. For instance, being a new mama with a youngster, gals in my church ward had a page that was good for scheduling play dates. Or a Family page for instance, my in-laws are the best I know at keeping up with each other and that's only one of the things I love about the Lewis family! They share photos so easily with just each other, or we can all keep up on an upcoming get together. So again, I'll say, Facebook can be good and bad. I'm enjoying myself not having to turn to it for recharge during the day, it's so much more fun to keep up a blog!